Not every culture dates in the same way as the United States, and the United Kingdom, where many of the practices still in effect today originated from. There are still many traditions followed around the world where men and women do not have a say in the matter. Their mates are chosen for them, either by their parents or by formal matchmakers. Love is not always a consideration. Many rituals have also been forgotten or can only be found in books. Dating is not always a fun thing.
In India, marriages between a young man and woman were arranged by their parents, usually when the children were just newborn babies. The couple was not allowed to see each other until the day of the wedding. Parents would use astrology, family reputation and social standing, financially stability, and dowry considerations to find a suitable groom or bride for their child. Once the match between the parents was made, the wedding would be planned and the families would look forward to the day when they would all be joined as one.
The Bemba tribe in Africa practices a different courting ritual. A young girl is chosen to become the wife of the tribesman. She has no say in the matter whatsoever to whom she becomes engaged to. Once her future husband and parents have agreed on a bride price, she is expected to visit him at his home, bearing gifts. After that, they will speak and she will do everything for him including cooking and cleaning until the day of the wedding. If she does bring him gifts the first time she goes to see him, she is not allowed to speak to him or enter his home.
Oriental cultures have their own set of traditions when it comes to dating and marriage practices. Omiai is the practice of Japanese parents – or even the prospective bride or groom – go looking for a suitable marriage match. They can do this by asking for help from their friends and family or even hire a matchmaker. Once one is found, the couple meets formally in the presence of both families and if the match is suitable, they court and then wed. If it is not, the search continues.
A truly interesting and somewhat romantic ritual is practiced by the Dai people of China. The custom, known as ‘visiting girls’, find the young women of the village sitting around a bonfire with their spinning wheels. The men would approach without speaking to them, some playing instruments, and if they saw a young woman they were interested in, they would step towards them. If the young woman wants to pursue the young man, she would then offer him a stool she had hidden beneath her skirts and invite him to sit with her where conversation would commence. The men would be wearing a red blanket over their shoulders and if he is invited to sit, he would wrap it around her shoulders as a gesture of affection.
Native Americans probably were some of the first people to use the act of serenading to attract a mate. They would do this by taking a double-chambered flute, known today as a ‘Love Flute’ and playing to the woman he was interested in making his bride. For the most part, this was the only time these flutes were ever played although occasionally the man would play it for his wife as a sign of his love. Once again, the courting was formal as it all took place in view of the entire tribe. The man would dress in his finest clothing and paint his face and body specifically for her. He would invite the woman he was interested in to share a blanket someone in his family wove for him, and he would wrap in it with him as they spoke quietly together under the watchful eyes of the tribe.
There were even more interesting practices found around the world over the centuries. The Nordic countries, such as Norway, Sweden, and Finland, let eligible young men know that girls were of marrying age by the young woman wearing an empty knife sheath at her waist. An interested suitor would put his knife in the sheath to let everyone know she was betrothed. Bundling was popular custom in Europe and America. Couples were allowed to share the bed, fully clothed, sometimes with a board between them or a bolster cover tied to the girls ankles, allowing the couple to talk and get to know each other in the warmth and safe confines of the home. The exchange of hand carved spoons in Wales, men sending gloves to young women in England, and the binding of the couples hands in the marriage ceremony are also some other rituals still practiced today.